Living With An Alcoholic » Living with an Alcoholic

You are the Responsible One When You Live with an Alcoholic

Daniel — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 21:21:00 +0000

When you live with an alcoholic, you not only feel alone, but most of the time you really are when it comes to chores and the kids. You are the only adult in the home it feels like most of the time. You will not be able to rest until all the work around the house is done and if you want to go somewhere, you will take the kids with you because the other parent will not be able to care for them while he or she is drinking. You might even have to have a job on top of everything lese.

You will have to make sure the bills are paid on time. You will also need to make sure that the family has enough money for everything after the alcohol is bought out of the family budget. You may have to get a job just to survive and pay the bills. This could be the hardest thing you have to do in your life, especially if you thought that your spouse or partner was going to take care of the work and you wee going to take care of the house and the family. Things change when the alcohol consumes one of the partners.

You will usually have to clean and take out the garbage. This is just because it will at least get done the right way. He or she may want to do dishes, but when you try to do something when you are drunk, it usually backfires. Dirty dishes in the cupboards that are said to be clean can be disturbing. Taking out the garbage can also be a challenge and if you want everything to be taken out, then you will probably have to do it yourself. You can plan on doing almost everything around the house including cleaning up messes that he or she may make.

The person may not want supper when you do, so you will have to make sure that there is enough food leftover for them. This is something that can cause arguments. If dinner is not just right, it can trigger an argument. You will never win, so you always do what is asked of you, even if it means making something new. This can get old fast and make you wish that you were the one drinking. Just do not ever give up hope.

You will have to secretly keep a hold on the money and know where it is going. An alcoholic in you life means that money is going to be tight because they will always have money for alcohol, but may not have enough for anything else. If you want to keep your home and have things for the family including food, you need to take control of the money. Even if they say no, you must find a way to do it.

The kids will be your responsibility and you will need to keep them in line by yourself. You can pretty much figure that anything that requires the attention of a parent is going to be your responsibility. In some cases, you will even hear that you were the one that had kids. It can be hard on the kids just as much as it is on you. Kids need both parents for support and most of the time, they do not have this when one parent is an alcoholic. Living with an alcoholic can be challenging and devastating to kids and to you.

Talking to Children about the Alcoholic Parent

Daniel — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 10:09:00 +0000

Living with an alcoholic is even more difficult when you have kids that are seeing this display. It is hard to explain to kids why one parent has to drink and not do anything with the family. In many cases, kids ask questions that need to be answered and you have a hard time doing it. You do not want them to hate the parent that drinks, but you also do not wan them to follow in the same footsteps. They also might not want to have friends over because of the drinking. As a parent, you have to talk to the kids so that they understand.

Be honest with the kids. If they have questions, you have to give them truthful answers. You do not have to say that the parent is a drunk, but you do have to explain that drinking is a disease and the parent needs help, but is not getting it. Explaining and answering their questions can be hard. Sometimes you just want to tell them that you do not know why the person drinks, but then you are not helping them understand anything. You need to be truthful, but you also have to shield them from some things about the alcoholic.

They have friends and they do not want their friends to see a drunken parent. This can be very hard for kids to understand. This is especially hard on the kids if the other kid’s parents are the ones forbidding the kids to come to your house. Many parents do not want their kids subjected to the problems or the alcohol abuse. They are afraid of what might happen. This hard for the kids and when the other kids cannot come and play at their house, they can become lonely and depressed.

You have to be strong for the kids, but you also need to make sure that they have a good life. This can be done by being there fro them and taking them to places where they will have fun with other kids. Sometimes it is easier to let the kids play at the neighbor’s house so they are not around the drinking, but then they are not getting the attention they need from the non-drinking parent. It is hard to have kids in a home where an alcoholic resides.

Ask them how they feel and listen. You need to understand how the kids feel. They have no one to talk to but you. It is not like they can discuss their feelings with their friends. You have to be there for them and listen to how they feel. It is not uncommon for children of alcoholic parents to grow up to drink. They are learning at a young age that drinking is acceptable unless you tell them differently.

Make sure that the kids understand that this is not how people should live. You have to stress the unhealthiness of drinking. You are the teacher and you have to make sure that the kids do not grow up thinking that this way of living is all there is for them. If you need help talking to a child, support groups and even a church minister can help. Children of alcoholic parents need to have some structure in their life outside of the home. You have to make sure that the kids are happy and well cared for so that they grow up to be well-adjusted adults even if you live with an alcoholic.

Protect the Children from Alcohol Abuse

Daniel — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 16:04:00 +0000

If you have children in the home, you must protect them from alcohol abuse. These means that they have to be protected form the alcohol and the alcoholic that may be abusive. Kids are very impressionable and learn from what they see or what is done to them. You have to be the one to break the cycle. If you do not protect the children from the abuse no matter if it is physical or because they see a parent drinking, they could grow up with the same tendencies. As a parent or even a friend, you must step in and prevent any problems before they start.

Kids will follow in the footsteps of a parent if they do not understand the consequences. This is not always true, but in most cases, it is what happens. Even if a child does not take after the parent, they may grow up to accept this type of behavior and put their own lives in danger or have nothing but heartache. You have to protect the children so that they know that this is not the way to live. However, sometimes this can be hard to do if you want to remain in the home.

If there is abuse in the home because of alcohol, you need to shield the kids from this abuse. If the abuse is physical, mental or verbal, kids should not have to live with it. it the abuse is watching their parent drink themselves into a drunken state, they need to know that this is not how people should live. As a parent, you have to make a decision whether to stay or take you children somewhere else where they will not be subjected to the abusive behavior or have to watch mom or dad drink themselves to death.

Never tell the kids that drinking is just something you do. It is not something that you just do. They need to understand that alcoholism is a disease that can have devastating affects on the person the family. This is important for children to understand. This does not mean that telling them that their parent is a loser or a bad person. You have to be truthful without being demeaning to the parent with the problem. Children are smart and will know that other families do live as you do.

You may need to leave the home for a while if the drinking leads to abusive behavior. This is the only way to protect the children and make sure that they do not grow up thinking that this is acceptable behavior. You also do not want to keep them in an abusive home. Not all alcoholics drink all the time, but even so, the kids should not be subjected to any abusive behavior from a parent. They also should be told that drinking is all right. As they grow up, they would stand a good chance of following in the footsteps of the alcoholic parent.

Take the kids to Al-Anon so that they have someone other than you to talk with. This is very important so that the kids have someone to talk to and listen to other kids in the same situation. If they have somewhere to go with others their age, it could help them understand what is happening and how to cope with their home life. It can also help them understand if you have to leave the home.

Talk with the kids if they have questions. You have to be honest without being judgmental. The kids will understand more if you talk to them instead of trying to hide the problem. Kids today, know more than what parents knew when they were kids and they see and hear things that they probably should not. This is the reason that you must be honest. Never badmouth the alcoholic parent because the kids could resent you.

When you are talking to the kids, ask them if they have questions and try to answer them the best you can. You can also expect to be asked why mom or dad yells at them or why the person has to do the things that he or she does. Answer honestly and try to help them understand.

Offer Love and Conversation to the Alcoholic

Daniel — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 10:15:00 +0000

If you live with an alcoholic, you want to offer love and conversation when they are not drinking. Trying this when they are drinking may be harder to do since you never know what their mood is or how they will react. You have to have an open line of communication even if the person is an alcoholic. You should not try talking about anything important when they are drinking, but engage is light conversation and leave the heavy discussions for when they are sober. Then you can have a friendly conversation. Just show them some love and hope that they like that better than what they get when they drink.

If the alcoholic is not a mean drunk, you can offer love. This of course depends on the mood of the alcoholic when he is drinking. Some alcoholics are mellow drunks, but even the mildest mannered alcoholic can switch moods just like that without warning. It can be like a roller coaster. One minute they can be sweet and loving and the next screaming at you because you said something that they did not like. This is a pattern with most alcoholics. You never know what you can say or do. It can change from day to day or even minute to minute.

When the alcoholic is not drinking, engage in conversation and try to touch on the drinking. This is the only time you have to discuss drinking. In most cases, they will tell you that they do not have a problem. They do not see it the same way that you do. You could point out a few things that they do when they drink and hope that they remember. You can tell them how it makes you feel when they have to drink all the time. It probably will not help them, but it can help you.

Explain that you want to care about them and do not want to see something bad happen. You can pour out your feelings and at least let them know how you feel, but chances are, they will only quick drinking for a few days and then start hiding it from you. This is common with alcoholics. If they know that you do not want them to drink, they will find ways to do it and hide it. It would not be uncommon to find empties in cupboards, down in the basement or out in the garage.

Talk about the future and things you would like to do. Make it clear that you want to enjoy a life with them, but you want them to be around for it. Make it clear that you are not really happy with the ways things are, but you would like to help make a change. Never tell them that they have to change, make it a change for both of you. You may not need to change, but telling them that is not going to mean a thing. You have to tell them that you will change with them.

Explain some of the health risks that you discovered. This may be one thing that could help. If they do not want to die at a young age, they may think about what you have to say. Of course, if they do not feel as if they have a problem, you could be talking to deaf ears. You can still try. Maybe if they see or feel some symptoms, they will think about what you said.

Try not to get upset or yell. Engage in a light conversation and if you feel yourself getting upset, take a moment to collect your thoughts. The last thing the alcoholic wants to do is listen to you yell at them. If you do not walk away and calm down, they might just leave and find somewhere to drink. This will defeat the purpose of your talk. You have to be on eggshells when you live with an alcoholic if you want to help them. You can be caring when you talk, but do not expect that in return from the alcoholic. That may come over time.

Never Make Excuses for the Alcoholic

Daniel — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 11:14:00 +0000

When you live with an alcoholic, you need to put up with a lot. The one thing that you should never do is may excuses for their actions or their drinking. You have to tell the truth, but in some cases, just not saying anything is better. If you make excuses for what an alcoholic does or why he or she drinks, you are just helping them keep on drinking and not taking responsibility for their actions. Sometimes it may be easier to make excuses than admit the true, but it just compounds the problem. One way to think about it is that if you have nothing truthful to stay, then just say nothing.

Excuses make you look bad. When you make excuses for why someone drinks, you are not helping them at all. In fact, when you make these excuses to someone else, they look at you differently. They wonder why you would make excuses for someone’s attitude or drinking. If you have ever joined a group for family members of an alcoholic, you would be told that it is unacceptable to make excuses for any reason. This just helps the alcoholic keep drinking without taking responsibility for their actions.

Never hide the problem or you will enable the alcoholic to continue to fool everyone. This can cause more problems. If one day, the person you have protected and made excuses fro does something that is really bad, no one would believe you because you helped them hide behind excuses. You have to remember that if you want people to believe in you, you have to be honest and not lie or make excuses for the person the drinks. If someone asks you a question, answer it truthfully and never make an excuse.

If you are abused in some way, never cover up this fact. Many men and women have done this every day that they lived with an alcoholic and ended up regretting it. Women, especially can be abused and live with it. However, if one day, the man in your life decides to take the abuse one-step farther and you protect yourself, who would believe you. You had spent all your time covering up for what they did that no one would believe that this person could do this. You have to be honest and not cover up the abuse. You need to tell someone that can help you.

After the fight is over and he or she wakes up, do not be afraid to tell them once again what they have done. Many alcoholics do not remember what they did the next day when they wake up. Some even remember and feel remorse. Letting them off the hook for their actions will only make it okay the next time. They will know that whatever they do is okay because you will forget and forgive without a second thought. Make them understand what they did and how it has to stop. This is always a good time to mention that they need professional help.

If they miss work, you cannot keep making excuses. Many people with drinking problems have problems making it to work every day. Eventually they will have to explain to their boss why they are missing work. If you are asked to call into work for them because they just do not feel good from drinking the night before, the answer you give should be no, do it yourself. If they are going to keep drinking it is going to keep happening and sooner or later, you will be judged because you helped that person lie to get out of work.

Take control of your life and distance yourself from the fighting and messes that the person makes. This is hard to do especially if you love the person. Living with an alcoholic in your life is never easy. You have to avoid the fights and stay out of any messes that the person may get himself or herself into because of their drinking. Alcoholics will mess up more than once and they will always apologize, but the next time they take a drink, they forget and do it all over again.

Never Accuse the Alcoholic of Being an Alcoholic

Daniel — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 16:10:00 +0000

If you live with someone that drinks, the last thing you should do is accuse him or her of being an alcoholic. Not only will you lose the debate, but they will become upset and in some cases, verbally, physically or mentally abusive. An alcoholic has to be the one to admit that they have a problem and there is no one else that can tell them any different. They will not listen to you no matter what you say. You might mention that the drinking is getting out of hand, but they may not think that there is a problem.

A never-ending fight is all you will have. If you accuse the alcoholic of drinking too much, they will defend themselves to no avail. They will insist that it is you that has problems and whatever else they can think of to say. You will never win the battle in this case. If you live with an alcoholic, you will need a support group such an Al-Anon to help you. You need to talk with others that are going through the same thing as you. The problems will not go away until the alcoholic decides that they have a problem.

They can make you believe that they have not been drinking and they even believe it. This is common when you live with an alcoholic. They can hide their drinking because you accuse them of drinking. Then when you accuse them of drinking or you find the empties, they will tell you that those are from months ago, even though you know better. The horrible truth is that the alcoholic believes what he or she is saying to you and can sound so convincing. This is how they make you doubt yourself.

You will only start an argument if you continue to accuse him or her of being an alcoholic. This is a problem for anyone that lives with an alcoholic. You want to make them see what they are doing, but all you will succeed in doing is making them defensive and lie more. When the person is not drinking, you could mention the problem, but chances are they are going to deny any wrong doings. They can be very secretive and deceitful when it comes to drinking. They will do anything to drink and you will not stop them.

They will not want to hear what you have to say even when they are sober. An alcoholic that thinks that they do not have a problem may not listen to you even when they are sober. They are sober so how could they have a problem. They can make you feel as if you are imaging a problem or even looking for reasons to start a fight. You will never win. However, you cannot let this fool you. You know there is a problem and you have to keep on top of everything.

There will come a day, when they will do something that will make them think about there drinking. Unfortunately, they will only be good for a short time. If they break something or hurt you, they will be sorry and make promises. Unfortunately, this is only a short-term fix. They are not going to stop drinking. They may slow down for a while until the urge takes over a gain. Then it will be back to the same thing all over again until the next time.

Life with an Alcoholic May Not be Possible

Daniel — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 10:22:00 +0000

If you have lived with an alcoholic for years and feel despair, you may need a change. No one should live without love and happiness. Sometimes it is not possible to stay with the alcoholic because you feel alone and helpless. You need something more in your life and the person is not able to give you what you need. Everyone needs to feel love and sometimes the person that you thought was the love of your life turns out to be your worst nightmare, literally. Sometimes life with an alcoholic is not possible and you may have to leave.

Sometimes, you just have to leave and try to get over him or her. This can be hard, but after the years of living the way you have been makes it a little easier. You may move out temporarily or permanently. Maybe you think that the person will change if you leave and they have to live on their own. You think that they do not need you anyways so they will probably not even care. This is the hardest feeling to live with for anyone. You may still care, but you do not believe that the person you are leaving does.

They want the alcohol more than they want you. This is hard to accept. You wonder why they would choose drinking over you. The truth hurts and you have to accept that you cannot help the person. No matter what you do, they always seem to find their way back to a bottle. You have to move on if you want a loving relationship. Then they do something that makes you feel all warm inside. They stop drinking for a while and things are wonderful until it starts again. Now, you have to start thinking about leaving all over again.

The hardest thing to do is leave someone that you love, but you have to sometimes. Even if they are wonderful for a time to keep you there with them, you still have to make a change. You have to think about yourself and make decisions that can be hard. The hardest part of living with an alcoholic is leaving them for their own good and yours. Sometimes it is hard to be strong, but you need all the courage you can find to say good-bye. You have to stand tall and have confidence in yourself, which you lost somewhere down the line.

You have to think about yourself. You cannot continue to live in fear or without a partner. You need love. You need companionship. You need to be free from the alcoholism. Even if you are not a drinker, you are affected by the drinking. Sometimes an alcoholic affects you more than the alcohol affects him or her. Even if you are not battered or abused, you are because the alcohol wins. You feel defeated by a bottle.

You lose years of being loved. However, you need to grow old with someone that can love you and cuddle you. You need someone that turns to you and not to a bottle. Living with an alcoholic is not easy and you grow tired of being the only one in the relationship that tries. The only choice you have is to leave and start new. You have to break free of the alcoholic and start a new life with someone that does not need alcohol to live. You need stability in your life for the first time in a long time.

Join Al-Anon When You Live With an Alcoholic

Daniel — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 07:22:00 +0000

Living with an alcoholic can be trying and unnerving, but you can join a group for support. Al-non is a great help to family members of the alcoholic. There are people in the group that are in the same situations as you are and they are there for support. Everyone supports each other. In some cases, you find out that some of the members have the exact same problems as you do. You learn how they are handling their loved one. They can offer guidance and advice that everyone can use if they live with an alcoholic. This is important to survive.

Guest speakers make appearances at Al-Anon group meetings. Family members and even alcohol counselor take time to visit the Al-Anon meetings to discuss issues that the group has with anything. They can explain things to you that may help you understand why this is happening to you. They are supportive and will not tell you that this is not about you. They know this is about you as well as the alcoholic. They tell stories and share everything they know about the disease with the group. They can help you cope with living with someone you love that has a drinking problem.

Survivors of alcohol disease speak to you. This can be a sad group meeting. Sometimes life does not work out the way you want it to, no matter how hard you try. Survivors of alcoholism tell you there stories. They share with you stories about their families and how they hurt their families and how they feel now. You will here stories about how they loss their families because of the disease. It can be a saddening story, but it helps you understand. They are honest and speak the truth to you. This is something that you might not be used to hearing from the alcoholic in your life.

You learn from each other. When you join Al-Anon, you have the opportunity to talk about your life living with a person that drinks too much. You can hear others talk about things that happen in their lives. This lets you know that you are not alone. Each person in the group has a chance to talk if they want. You are not pressured to talk, but the option is always there. At first, you might just listen, but then you will want to tell your story and people will listen. It will not be like talking to the alcoholic that never hears you.

Support groups are the only way to make it. If you try to go it alone, you can create your own health issues. Al-Anon is confidential and no one is going to say anything outside of the group. You can ask for help. You need help. You cannot live with an alcoholic without support. It is not healthy for yourself or any children you may have. You need to hear what others do to survive an alcoholic friend or family member. You are not alone and you have to remember that.

You learn how to handle the alcoholic. Some people that drink can become violent or disruptive. You need to have an outlet and Al-Anon gives you that outlet. You can talk about the problems and ask others for ways to handle the situation. You can try to go without a group to help you, but if you have nowhere to vent, you maybe inclined to vent to the alcoholic, which could aggravate any already bad situation. The group can help you. They can make suggestions that might help you.

If you are living with an alcoholic, you need some support that cannot come from family and friends. You need a group such as Al-Anon, where everyone there is has a friend or family member that is just like yours. They can offer you support and advice, which will be positive and not negative. The group has guest speakers that might even include reformed alcoholics and their families. This is where you hear about the other side of the spectrum. You hear how an alcoholic feels after he or she has received help and quit drinking. You hear what their families have to say. This helps you.

Join a Co-Dependency Group When You Live With an Alcoholic

Daniel — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 08:15:00 +0000

If you are co-dependent on an alcoholic, you may need to join a co-dependency group for help. Living with an alcoholic can be hard, but when you feel that you need to stay for one reason or another, it makes things even harder than they already are for you. There are groups for co-dependent friends or family members. These groups can help you understand why you need this person and what you might be able to do about it. If you think you are co-dependent, you will want to find a group that can help you so that you understand why you need this person.

They offer you the support you need. It is easier to sit in a group and hear others talk. When you do, you might learn a few things about yourself. You may find out that you really care about this person or you might find out that this person has control over you in a way that is not healthy to you. If you have kids or even if you don’t, you will want to find out why you stay and if it for a good reason or a bad reason. No one makes you do anything you do not want to do. They are there to help and listen.

If you want to leave the alcoholic, you need to learn why you stay first. Before you can get up and leave an alcoholic, you need to know why you stay. It might be that you stay because you deeply care about this person and want to help them. Living with an alcoholic can be hard, but if you have love for that person, it can be harder to live with. If you want to leave that person, you have to know why you stayed or hooked up with that person in the first place.

You need to understand why the person has control over you. If you stay with an alcoholic and you have no reason why or it is because you are afraid to be on your own, you need to know how this happened. Is this person controlling you? Is this person verbally abusing you and lowering your self-esteem? Is this person physically abusing you? Do you stay because you are afraid to leave for fear of what will happen? The co-dependency group can help you understand. You need to understand why you stay before you can understand yourself.

When you understand why you stay, you can then begin to help yourself. This is the only way to either live with an alcoholic or leave that person. The co-dependency group offers the support you need to talk about why you stay and what your own fears are. This group is a good way to find yourself. If you have been abused, this group can offer support and advice. You need to have someone to talk to about the problems that you live with every day.

The co-dependency group can help you in more ways that you think. When you attend a group, you will hear other people’s stories. You may even hear your story from someone else’s mouth. You are not alone. There is help for those that live with alcoholics. There are ways to take control of your life and help the other person as well. If you have children, it is especially important that you understand if you have a co-dependency issue.

If you are living with an alcoholic and you do not understand why you stay, you may need to attend a support group for co-dependency. You may not even realize why you stay. You have to understand yourself before you can understand what is happening to you. If you have children, you have to think about them as well as yourself. Maybe you need to take time away from the alcoholic to figure out what keeps you with that person. The co-dependency group can help you resolve any issues you might have before it is to late. Then again, you have to think about everyone concerned.

How to Help the Alcoholic Join AA

Daniel — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 20:07:00 +0000

If you live with an alcoholic, chances are good that you want him or her to quit drinking. This is not something that you can just mention in casual conversation when you are talking to someone that thinks that they do not have a problem. If you do, it could cause an argument because most alcoholics do not think that they have a problem. They usually retaliate that you are the one with the problem. You want the person to get help, but it is not easy to do. Most alcoholics do not receive any help until something bad happens. You can do a few things to try to help the person join AA.

Never be forceful or the person is not going to do it. Telling the person that they have to attend AA is not the answer. Even most judges that order a criminal to attend the group are just fooling themselves if they think the person is really trying to quit drinking. A person has to want to help him or herself. You can try to force the person, but this is going to cause more problems than you have already. You may mention it is casual conversation, but if the person does not see what they are doing, chances are, they will resist any conversation.

Offer your support when they need it. If you offer to give the person support and be there when they need you, they will see that you want to help. Often, this does not work as well as you want. Never support their drinking, but support them in the job and if they have any other good points. You have to compliment their good points to get the trust that you need to help them. This can be very hard to especially if you are fed up with the drinking.

Join a group such as Al-Anon so that he or she knows that you are there for them. Tell them that you joined the group because you need help understanding. There is nothing wrong with joining a group and letting them know that you are serious and worried about your life together. Living with an alcoholic is not all rosy, as some would think. The alcoholic does not just drink and pass out. They can be abusive without even knowing what they are doing. This is the saddest part of living with the alcoholic.

Introduce the alcoholic to a member of AA that they might get along with and talk. This one-step can work. If the person gets involved with someone that does not drink and they find something they both like to do, this could curb the drinking. It is not going to stop it, but as you see the difference, you can mention that is so nice to see him or her having fun or enjoying something. This is the first step to maybe getting the person to join AA and meet other people that also have drinking problems and want help.

Threats will not work. If you threaten to leave or take the kids and divorce the alcoholic, you are going to lose. Most alcoholics do not care what you do as long as they have the money to drink and a place to sleep. Then again, threatening to kick the person out will not work either. There is always someone that will allow him to drink. You will lose the battle if you use threats that the person does not care about anyways. Calling the authorities only works for so long as well. After a while the alcoholic will get more upset or leave and never return.

Volunteer to accompany them to the first meeting. If you are lucky enough to get a little cooperation, you can accompany him or her to a meeting. This will show that you do care and want the person to at least give it a try. You can be nonchalant about it because making a big deal will backfire. You have to be careful how you talk and what you sat when you live with an alcoholic. The mood can change in a second and you may never know why.

Living With An Alcoholic » Living with an Alcoholic

You are the Responsible One When You Live with an Alcoholic

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