What to do when a Family Member Drinks Too Much
In the last ten to twenty years society has learned a wealth of information about alcoholism and the consequences involved with drinking too much. Even with this increase in knowledge, it is still shocking when someone discovers a family member with a drinking problem. To add to the difficulty with knowing how to handle this type of situation is the fact that every alcoholic is individual and different. To complicate this issue, one of the main symptoms of alcoholism is denial. Denial can come from the alcoholic, the family, or both.
The first step to overcome denial and to begin helping the alcoholic family member work through the problem is for all of the members of the family to separate themselves from the problem. There are three principles to help each person as the work through this process called The Three C’s.
1. Cause
2. Cure
3. Control
In order to help the loved one work through their alcohol addiction, the family members must accept that they did not cause the alcoholism, they cannot cure the alcoholism, and they cannot control the alcoholism. Neither medicine nor psychology nor any other discipline, with all its scientific knowledge and its continuing controversies about alcoholism and addictions in general, disputes these simple statements. The causes of alcoholism include genetic factors, upbringing, psychological makeup and culture–but not the fact that the family members did not love, please or bully someone enough.
So far, there is no cure for alcoholism. The proponents of abstinence-based treatment, including AA, the American Society of Addiction Medicine and most professional addiction specialists, believe that alcoholism can be arrested on a daily basis, as long as the alcoholic abstains from drinking. Those who disagree promote a philosophy of harm reduction, believing not only that there is no cure but that lifelong abstinence is an impossibly ambitious goal for certain alcoholics. As far as control, it might be possible to control someone’s drinking behavior for a short time but in the long run it is an impossibility. The alcoholic must control his or her own drinking behavior.
The following are some Do’s and Don’ts regarding how to cope with a family member who drinks too much:
Do talk to someone, do find a safe place to go when the drinking gets out of hand, do seek professional help from a counselor or a program such as Al-Anon or Al-Ateen, and do talk to other family members about what is going on with the alcoholic. Don’t be ashamed, don’t place blame, don’t ignore the problem, don’t try to solve the problem alone, don’t try to reason with a drunk person, and don’t get into the car with a driver who has been drinking.
Regardless of what happens or how many family members are there to help, some alcoholics will never get sober no matter what anyone does. It is most important while looking out for the safety and well-being of the alcoholic family member that the other family members are diligent to take care of themselves and their own needs.
Recommended Reading
- Friends and Family Can Help with Alcoholic Problems
